A shawl and a remembrance
Posted on | April 16, 2009 | 25 Comments
I pulled out the pins on this lovely over two weeks ago now. Felt sad, took some photos anyway; then folded it carefully and put it aside, intending each day to wrap it carefully and put it in the mail to it’s intended recipient. I’ve been trying to write about this every day since as well – but the words seemed too heavy and the shawl just sat there. And yesterday I realized that although I had never intended to wait, TODAY was the day I would finally send it and I did. I still felt nervous as I left the box with the clerk at the post office, but now it is on it’s way and there is no taking it back.
There are certain days in the year that I make a point of doing something specific to remember my mother (in addition to the tiny things done all the time), and this is one of them. I did not knit this in remembrance of Mom, but today I thought of her as I wrote a card, wrapped the shawl carefully, and addressed the box to her sister, my aunt. It seemed fitting I guess, that if I couldn’t bring myself to send the shawl on my own, I could certainly do it as a remembrance today of all days.
I have written many (many) words these last couple weeks about my fears regarding the appropriateness of this gift. We know as knitters that our stitches become entwined in our life events and emotions. This piece was no different – it just happens to be knit in with some difficult stuff – and that is what makes this so hard to write about, hard to think about. It has made me examine my intent (pure, though perhaps misguided), and my actions (inadequate on many levels), and this has been a source of discomfort in addition to the emotions already involved.
But after all that thinking – maybe because her life is by necessity centered on practical matters, maybe that is all the more reason she should have something lovely (that matches her eyes) – I’ve come all the way back around again to my reason for knitting this in the first place. And if not, if, as I’ve feared many times over the last couple weeks, that in my desire to do something for my aunt I have done the wrong thing, I hope that at least that the intent will be felt:
I CARE.
I hope that this shawl finds my aunt at the end of her radiation treatments and facing a positive outlook and prognosis. If you can spare a healing thought for her today (while I’m asking, better yet if you can spare two, one for my mom and one for me), I would appreciate it more than I can say.
(Hemlock Ring, shawl/lap blanket size, details on Ravelry or Flickr if you like. It is ubiquitious, yes?)
I’ll be back soon with some happy things!
Comments
25 Responses to “A shawl and a remembrance”
Leave a Reply
April 16th, 2009 @ 6:34 pm
I can spare more than a few thoughts of healing and peace for you and your family.
*Hugs*
April 16th, 2009 @ 7:20 pm
It’s just lovely. I’m sending healing, positive thoughts in your family’s direction.
April 16th, 2009 @ 8:05 pm
i can’t think of a better way to capture your feelings, love and care for your aunt. love that goes into working on something like this is surely felt by the recipients. thinking of you and your family!
April 16th, 2009 @ 9:44 pm
How could this be the wrong thing…..such a beautiful gift…..you, your mum and your aunt are in my thoughts Mel.
April 16th, 2009 @ 10:00 pm
So beautiful, and such a lovely thought…
April 17th, 2009 @ 12:18 am
It’s beautiful! Thoughts of healing and peace for your family.
April 17th, 2009 @ 7:29 am
What a gorgeous shawl. Such a beautiful thought. Positive and healing thoughts sent your way.
April 17th, 2009 @ 8:36 am
It’s Beautiful Mel and I’m sure that your Aunt will wrap herself up in your love with this. You’re wonderful for doing this and her thoughts and prayers are with me along with prayers for your Mom. Love your Friend…Michele
April 17th, 2009 @ 12:38 pm
What a wonderful gift, I hope it brings your aunt much comfort and joy! Sending good wishes to her, you and your mom. xoxoxo
April 17th, 2009 @ 12:53 pm
Mel, how so touching and revealing of you to tell the story behind this gift. I believe it will be cherished by the receipient and you, your fears will be relieved.
I will keep you, your mom and aunt in my thoughts too.
xxx
April 17th, 2009 @ 1:31 pm
good thoughts coming your way!
and nothing says you care like something hand knit.
April 17th, 2009 @ 2:34 pm
I, too, am sending good thoughts your way. I’m sure your aunt will love such a snuggly, thoughtful gift at this time. Best Wishes…
April 17th, 2009 @ 2:56 pm
The shawl is absolutely lovely. I am definitely sending tons of healing thoughts and prayers your Aunt’s way.
April 17th, 2009 @ 6:03 pm
It’s beautiful Mel and will no doubt be well received and cherished by your aunt. I will be keeping the three of you in my thoughts and you will be at the front of my mind at the race for the cure this weekend.
April 18th, 2009 @ 11:38 am
more than one, more than two, i can assure you.
your aunt knows that you care – with or without the shawl – and when she gets it she will not only see the knitted shawl, but she will also see the time, the love, the efforts that have gone into it. every thought of you is tangled in each stitch you made, and she will notice.
April 18th, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
Many healing thoughts and prayers are headed your way from NH.
Your aunt will love this beautiful and thoughtful gift..
April 18th, 2009 @ 2:10 pm
Mel, you are such a beautiful soul, your heart and emotions and humility are remarkable. May every stitch you made on this beautiful shawl not only encourage and strengthen you but may God also touch every person who sees or touches it until the prayers sewn inside with love reach as many lives are there are sands on the shore.
April 18th, 2009 @ 7:54 pm
It’s gorgeous; and I’m sure knowing how much effort you put into it just for her will remind your aunt that you’re thinking of her and she is loved. At the end of the day, there isn’t anything more precious than that. Healing wishes going out to you and your family, take care!
April 18th, 2009 @ 11:13 pm
You and your aunt are in my prayers, Mel. The shawl is beautiful. Take care, lady.
April 19th, 2009 @ 11:52 pm
I’m sure your doubts on the appropriateness of this gift come from some place very real within. But honestly I can’t imagine a situation that someone wouldn’t receive this amazing and beautiful symbol of love and care and wouldn’t appreciate it. And more importantly understand the meaning behind it. It may carry with it pain, but it also very clearly carries love and hope. She’s sure to feel it. You always have my thoughts…sending healing ones for your aunt as well.
As for the shawl itself…it’s stunning. You picked a gorgeous color. Perfection.
April 20th, 2009 @ 9:08 am
Healing thoughts to you and your aunt. I’ll be thinking of her when I do my run for Cancer Research soon. I’m sure it can’t be the wrong thing to send someone something so beautiful and clearly infused with love. {{hugs}}
April 20th, 2009 @ 5:11 pm
Such a beautiful gift! I’m sure it will give comfort through its beauty and the obvious love and thoughtfulness that you knit into it.
April 21st, 2009 @ 5:16 pm
it’s really very beautiful and i hope it’s well received. some situations are so hard to know how to address or respond appropriately to. and some healing takes a longer or more circular route than others.
May 12th, 2009 @ 6:00 pm
Mel, I didn’t realize this was the shawl in question. This is just gorgeous. I think you made the right decision. She will know that you are thinking about her, no matter what else happens.
May 13th, 2009 @ 6:37 pm
only just come across your blog so not sure about the backstory here but:
your intentions are utterly pure and i hope your aunt can appreciate your generousity and thoughtfulness.